So - in my head, i saw this weekend going so different. As the New Year rolled in, i committed to making some MAJOR changes - for the benefit of our humble home. I wrote up a schedule - morning routine, after school routine, evening routine. . . broken into the tasks that needed to be accomplished - in some cases, every 15 minutes (am i on crack?! Seriously? Seriously.) I felt re-newed - a new year, a new me, a new family - yada, yada, yada. The first day, Monday - went pretty well. The kids were embracing it - excited even. (My husband, always the realist in our little group, warned that i might be biting off a little more than i could chew (and here's me: don't be so negative honey - have a little faith. . . ) - you all know where this is headed right? It's like being on a train - a super speed train, and up ahead, you can see that the track just ends - just stops - and in your head, you're thinking, surely, by the time we get there, new track will just appear. And here's the worst part - BEFORE you got on the train, the conductor was all, "hey lady, you are gonna be going along at super speed, and then the track is just gonna end. Nobody is building the rest of that track right now. There will be a huge crash at the end of your little trip if you board. . . don't get on this train!" And you look at him and say.: "Ugh - don't be so negative. . . have a little faith". :) Oh, AND - you really prepared to take this trip - i mean, you put in the time to do all the girls hair, and their luggage matches, and you even made matching bows - you know - the kind that cost like 10 bucks a piece? Well, you made em. And, for once, you even feel like you look pretty cute - like, this trip is an answer for you. Well, i don't want to burst the bubble - but i mean - this can only end badly. (Anyone notice how I have turned this around into a segment where i am giving some poor mama a huge helping of excellent advice instead of admitting this is just my story - i'm the poor mama?! Don't know how we got here - gotta be my "mom adhd"! So, i set this plan into action. Get up, work out, get showered. get dressed. (And if its gonna be sweats, atleast make it be your boyfriends from Vickies (Boyfriend sweats from Victoria Secret) - there's no affair here. . . seriously. . i know there are women who do this - but i need another person to take care of like i need a hole in my head - this is madness! Anyway - get dressed. Kids up at 8 - help them make beds, get dressed - down to shoes - so they can take Tank on a walk. When they come back, we will have breakfast. While they eat, i will read them the scriptures - which we will pleasantly discuss. After breakfast, do hair, brush teeth, mouthwash - to protect their pearlies all day - and load the suburban (Shakira - more on that in the mini van post) by 9. Drop off at school by 9:05 - this is on time - my kids are on a later gator track - thank heavens thats an option! This is good on paper, right? Let me toss you a play by play in real life:
I'm up at 6. Heading down to work out on my treadmill (cant go to the gym this week, because I'm on a colon cleanse - too scared to risk being stuck at Golds' in the bathroom - more on the cleanse in a later post!) Just got a new "safety key" from my treadmill company, because last time i used my treadmill, i put the key in "a safe place" - which turned out to be so safe in fact - that i cannot find it! So, for the bargain price of $34, I now have a new plastic safety key (my treadmill doesn't turn on without it). So, i am armed with my new key, my water bottle, my ipod and ear phones, my gum - i am ready - I'm bringing sexy back! I get on my treadmill, I'm feeling strong, increasing speed - and it just STOPS. ERRR. i almost fall because it stops so fast. After searching, well, waking my husband - we discover that the treadmill tripped the socket. Whew. just push the button and start again. I do. It screeches to a stop, again. This time i DO fall - and a few words fall from my mouth. I do this 2 more times - until finally, i go fish out an outdoor extension cord from the garage ( those orange ones) plug one section in upstairs, haul it downstairs and plug in the other end - and Voila - it works. By now, it is almost 7 - i am way behind schedule - but i am on a path - i will not be deterred! I finish my workout, head up to chug down my cleanse shake - sicko - and head upstairs to wake my kiddos. Up up!! Everyone up! I open blinds - which is followed by huge protests. I help make beds, we head downstairs, get shoes on - i hand them the leash - and Gracie, my 6 year old - has a melt down - on the floor. "I don't want to take Tank out, its too cold - i hate the new plan - why can't you do it? (to get this right - you really must whine in your head - my kids are totally fluent in "whinese"). But, i don't want to be "mom with a loud voice" (as my BFF calls it) - so, i stay calm. "Okay, Savannah and Mason, would you mind taking Tank on your own today?" which is amazingly met with, "ok mom". Ahh. Sweet Succatash. SUCCESS. So, they go take the dog, and i make breakfast, and we do scriptures - and I'm thinking "i told you so, honey" - and then i ask them what we read. No clue. They have no clue. That's okay - lets brush teeth. Savannah's toothbrush feels hard - she is sure someone has used it. To which i say - "Oh yeah - there's been this guy on the news that apparently breaks into people's houses at night and uses kids toothbrushes" - which is met with rolling eyes, and an annoyed "Hmf." Could i have been more sensitive? Ok - maybe. And this whole time, in my head, i am thinking,"this is not how I saw this going!" We did make it to school on time - so there's the silver lining! We don't have a "Kodak Moments" life - it just is what it is. Even when i give it my all. It's real. Better luck tomorrow.
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